Toxic parents exist, unfortunately. They scar their children for life through their hurtful words and inconsiderate actions. What’s worse is it can turn into a vicious cycle and cause generational trauma.
You’re about to read answers to a Reddit question that asked, “What’s the worst thing your parents have ever said to you?” People didn’t hold back and shared stories ranging from invalidated feelings to their mothers and fathers wishing they were never born.
Scroll through, but be forewarned that some of these texts involve themes of attempted self-harm and forced intimacy. Proceed with caution.
#1
"If you get AIDS we're going to let you die alone because we're not letting you bankrupt us." I was 18 and they found out I was gay from a letter I had thrown away. They also said one of the funniest things to me during that same time, "What if you want to be President?!".
Image credits: redherringaid
#2
My Mum died on Mother’s Day 2020. My Dad declined quickly without her. He said to me:
“I just don’t have anything to live for anymore. Everything I did, I did for her.”
Me: “You still have friends, family, kids…you know I’m still here for you.”
Dad: “You were just for her too.”
He died soon after telling me he never wanted me.
Image credits: The_Town_of_Canada
#3
“You’d better lose some weight and hope someone marries you for your looks, because your personality sucks.”
I was 14 and had just been fired from my very first job. He doesn’t even remember saying it; for me it was one of the worst days of my life and lives in the back of my head, for my father it was a Tuesday.
Image credits: brelywi
#4
"Your mom didn't die just so you could throw your life away." From my dad.
Said while crying during what was pretty much an intervention.
My mom died giving birth to me and I've only seen my dad cry four times in my life.
Certainly hurt, though at the time it was something I probably needed to hear.
Image credits: littleredhoodlum
#5
When my mom found out I lost my virginity she said “God is punishing me for everything I’ve done wrong in my life with a daughter who makes the same mistakes”.
Image credits: nesssaaa123
#6
My mother told me "You can't wear what the pretty girls wear because you're fat."
Image credits: Snoo-45800
#7
I proudly told my mom I got 98% on one of my high school exams. She replied “Where did you lose the 2%?”.
Image credits: HalJordan2424
#8
That I was a failure and I’ll never be half of my brother.
Image credits: Sweet-Girlfriend1
#9
I wish you never existed.
Image credits: reversedROBOT
#10
Not to me. I overheard my mom tell my sis she wouldn't be a good mother because she wore pants to church. This was 19 years ago in 2005. My sister and her hubby have two dogs....
Image credits: experience_everythng
#11
In college, my dad told me over the phone, "It's not your mom's fault she doesn't love you as much as she loves your sister. She just doesn't understand you. You're too weird for her."
Thanks, dad. That didn't hurt at all.
Image credits: beleagueredfriend
#12
I never wanted children after your sister. (I'm #2).
Image credits: saccharine_mycology
#13
My mom had a condition which made it hard to keep a pregnancy. She had 13 total pregnancies, only 4 survived. I was the only planned pregnancy that survived.
“You were the only one I wanted and look how you turned out”.
Image credits: anon
#14
I told my dad I needed mental health help and he told me I just needed to pray more.
Image credits: jenhikam
#15
“The stress from dealing with you is why I got cancer”.
Image credits: tempehmomma
#16
Literally as we were walking out of the hospital, after having to take our three week old daughter off life support. My mother chose that moment to remind me that she really thought we should have baptized our daughter because now she can't go to heaven. Yeah, I just got in the car and ignored her. If I would have reacted, she would have needed to go back into the hospital.
Image credits: 30152010
#17
“This is just like when your mother had a miscarriage” when they found out I was gay.
#18
My mother often said to me "I wished you had died and your sister had lived."
It still stings to this day.
Image credits: ElephantsInYorkshire
#19
Its not one thing. Everytime I shared a problem with her, she’ll remember it and then turn it against me. Sometimes even months or years later bring it up in a fight and make it as if I am the problem. Because of this, I have hard time being vulnerable with anyone and sharing anything (except reddit I guess)
EDIT: Wow I wasn’t expecting so many people to relate to this. It was difficult when I was younger. Then as an adult I went to therapy because I don’t want to live a life without any connection with people. It has helped a lot (much better than before) including my relationship with my mom. Now if she or any one does this: 1) I know not to take it to heart and ruminate on it and 2) Remind her that it hurts my feelings. I still do love my mother. But those childhood experiences did affect my adulthood a lot.
Our scars from childhood takes time to heal. I still keep my guard up more so than my friends for example but after getting to know more about someone, I decide if I want to share more.
I hope what I learnt through therapy helps everyone experiencing the same thing. I’m learning to take risks and get hurt in the process. I hope it works for you too ?.
Image credits: Disastrous-Dino2020
#20
'If you come back to this house I'll beat you and k*ll you'. Haven't seen him for 3 and a half years after that & I don't intend to. Blood thicker than water my a**. I'll always cut off toxic family.
Image credits: No-Ferret-560
#21
“I love you, but you’re still going to hell; once you turn 18, pack your s**t and leave.”
Image credits: lordofthestreets
#22
While my parents were going through a divorce (I was 9 years old), I overheard my mom saying to my father "I don't want (me), I'll take the younger one, he's less annoying".
#23
"Toylil, there are two types of people in this world: those who are street smart and those who are book smart. You are neither".
#24
I occasionally drink. My sister died from alcoholism.
She was in a coma in the bed at the hospital suffering from liver failure. I was there with my Dad.
He said "I always though this would happen to you. Not her."
I have ALWAYS been the straightedge kid, she smoked, drank, did d***s. I was the Church youth group kid, she was just there if her bf at the time was. I barely drink, she was an alcoholic. I never smoked, she did. I don't do d***s, she did. I've always been monogamous, she was not. I've given them money to help them through tough spots, she convinced them to give her their retirement and blew it.
The exact opposite of her. But my Dad and my Mom always made her the priority and thought she was a 'princess'.
So as she was dying from the things she did. They dared to act like it should have been me on the bed.
I will never be able to forget that.
#25
My mother lost her first baby. It was a boy and he was stillborn. She told me she got pregnant with me bc she thought my dad would stop drinking if she gave him a son… I’m not a son. It basically made me feel like it was my job to keep my father happy no matter what. And he was never happy so I always felt like a failure.
#26
“You’re not autistic. You’re just lazy.”
Why? Because I was falling behind on a science project because I was actually doing WAY *too* much work for it, and apparently I should’ve done it over the school break even though my teacher explicitly said we didn’t have to and he didn’t expect us to.
Like ISTFG ever since I was diagnosed with ADHD (looking for autism assessment too) she f*****g uses it against me. Not long ago I made a tiny f**k up on something and she said that mid/low functioning autistic people were “more responsible than me”.
And she’s a social worker… ?.
#27
My parents are tied.
Dad: “So they diagnosed you with depression and anxiety? By definition those two things would cancel themselves out. You won’t be going back.” I was 13.
Mom: She told me over and over while growing up “You can ALWAYS come home! No matter what you can always come home!”
I was 22 and lost my job and could not find another with enough hours. We went out to lunch, I spilled my guts and how ashamed I was at failing. She looked me dead in the face and said “Tell me how that turns out.” I slept under a bridge for 3 months.
#28
While my body was deteriorating from an undiagnosed medical condition my mother said, "Do you know how much it hurts ME to see you just lying there?" This was after a 2 day hospital stay, 2 biopsies, and several doctor's appointments. NOTE: I had lost about 100 pounds of muscle mass in 7 months by the time I was diagnosed, literally my whole body hurt. Getting up hurt, laying down hurt. Anything I did, hurt.
#29
When he threatened to kick me out of the house because I took a different route home than he would have when coming home from dinner.
It was so out of left field. I thought he was joking but he was raging and was literally about to kick me to the street. Led to this massive argument that came close to having the cops called.
I was 20 and it completely changed my view of him. I found a job across the country a few weeks later and left. Today he doesn't remember the incident at all and wonders why I never accept his help for anything and visit once every five years. Got what you wanted old man.
#30
My dad once told me that he loved me, but he really didn't like me. I was a teen with very low self esteem. Way to bolster my confidence dad.
#31
“Nobody will ever want you while you are the way you are”.
#32
My biological mother told me that I should be in the urn with my dead son. She was convinced that because I was sometimes a danger to myself (I’m epileptic), I obviously k*lled him somehow… despite him passing in his sleep from SIDS.
I don’t speak to her anymore.
#33
My mom all my childhood “I should have aborted you”…like yeah but you didn’t so now what?
#34
You're a terrible father- my mother who didn’t raise me at all.
#35
I had splurged on a box of temporary hair dye when o was 15. Mom told me
If I spent as much time on my hair as I did on my weight, I wouldn't be so huge
For the record, I'm 5'7. At the time I weighed around 130 lbs.
#36
“I wish you were never born”.
#37
In a therapy session when he’s explaining why I seem to piss him off more than everyone else: “I’m angry at you because your mother refused to get an abortion.”
Explained a lot, actually.
#38
When I was 16 my mom started to suspect that I was Bisexual after she read through my computer search history. After a pretty intense one-sided fist fight(she started it)she told me she couldn’t love or trust me after finding this out, and starting crying after asking me if I’d ever had “feelings” for my 13 year old sister(I hadn’t).
#39
You were never [SAed]. You are making it up.
#40
After my s*icide attempt, my dad said, "Got it out of your system yet?".
#41
"Look, everyone has some kind of pain. Grandma, Dad and I all have arthritis and other things. Grandma's hip replacement wore out, Dad has sciatica, and I have bursitis. Stop complaining and learn to deal with it." - My mother, driving me home after I received my fibromyalgia diagnosis.
Karma got her later when one of her friends verbally smacked it into her head that fibromyalgia pain is severe and debilitating, that it could get worse over time, and that I may end up wheelchair-bound. She also talked about how badly the brain fog f***s a person up.
My mom was almost in tears as she apologized. She gave me a fibromyalgia awareness bracelet and started coming to my rheumatology appointments to ask questions for me whenever I had brain fog.
#42
I think there have been quite a few, but the one that affected me most was my mom telling me my laugh was loud and I needed to quiet down. I stopped laughing around them for a long time (a few years at least). Finally, we started going to family therapy, and I told her that it bothered me. She said she wouldn't do it again. She did it again about a month later.
#43
I remember back when I was in 8th grade, we were going on a class trip to Washington DC. This was only a year after 9/11 so I was still super scared to get on a plane.
Finally I told my dad that I was scared to get on a plane and had been worrying about it a lot.
His comforting words
"Just remember what we learned in church, everyone has a time to go"
Thanks Dad!
(I still give him s**t about this s****y advice 22 years later).
#44
They repeatedly explained to me that I'd never amount to anything and always live a life of insecurity if I didn't pick science/tech as my main field of study.
It was only after I'd already committed to that path I learned that all of my friends and teachers were shocked I didn't pick a language, history or art program.
#45
My mom was angry and called me a “f*****g idiot” because I failed a test or was failing a class, I don’t remember which. That was in middle school, I believe. It still pops in my head from time to time.
I want to note that neither of my parents were abusive. They spoiled me rotten, but my mom does have a temper and sometimes says things in the heat of the moment that she ends up forgetting about later.
#46
I told her at eleven that I was s*icidal and I wanted to jump out the window and she said, "Well, then we'd have two problems wouldn't we?" She was berating me for bad grades due to unchecked ADHD.
#47
Being anxious and depressed is a choice.
#48
"You are born sinful and need to ask for forgiveness and purify yourself, it is going to be very difficult and you will suffer a lot in life, but if you don't do it, you will go to hell after you die."
if you believe in what I typed above, it is morally wrong to make kids, because of the incredible burden you put on your child and very high risk that your child will just suffer in hell eternally.
#49
“You have a simian face”, “It’s lucky you are smart bc you are not pretty”, “You were cursed with your father’s genes to give you that big fat a*s”.
#50
My dad had been single since him and my mom divorced when I was 1 year old. I was 13 and was pretty sick trying to sleep in the back seat going to his house for the weekend. He just recently got a girlfriend at this point who had a daughter a few years younger than me. He forced me to go to his place that weekend even though I was pretty sick and he was frustrated I wasn’t interested in talking to him on the drive to his place.
So he pulls over, looks back at me and says “ya know, I can just take you back to your moms. I don’t *need* you to love me anymore. I have {girlfriend} and {girlfriend’s daughter} now.”
He did in fact take me back to my moms and I didn’t see him again for another 3-4 years after she dumped him cause she found someone richer.
#51
There's a few but the first I thought of is "you're not an easy person to love/it's difficult to love you".
#52
When I was 18ish my father told me that he hoped I would take some classes that would teach me to be more in control and less emotional…. Now 20 years later my husband has died and my dad wants me to “tell him about the hard stuff” and to “cry it out” with him, and he can’t fathom why I do not lean on him in this time.
#53
I stopped visiting my dad when I was 11 when I realized the kind of person he really was. On my 13th birthday he sent me a card that just said "get over it".
#54
“There’s no light behind your eyes any more.” because I left the Mormon church. We’ve since made up and repaired our relationship, but I’ll never forget her saying that to me.
#55
“That shirt would look better on someone thinner.”
#56
My mom told me not to be a deadbeat like my dad when I was like 11.
#57
In the hospital after trying to kill myself, my mother said to me with hate in her eyes, "You couldn't even do that right." I was 14. F**k you mom, I keep living just to spite you now!
#58
That no one liked me, no wonder I didn’t have any friends, s**t like that. That was when I was in primary school.
In uni my dad told me to get the f**k out of his house and never contact him again, that was fun.
#59
That I ruined everything she’s ever had.
Joke is on my mom because after my dad died, I went no contact and it’s been AMAZING.
#60
After my ex-wife remarried, my dad befriended her new husband. It’s especially weird because she abandoned the daughter we had together. My ex and her husband came to Holiday events that I wasn’t even invited to. I confronted my dad and he said that “Brent” was like the son he never had. Brent like NASCAR, country music, and religion. I llied none of those things.
It ended my relationship with him and my mom by extension. I have only spoken to my dad a handful of times since then. That was nearly 30 years ago. We never even spoke when my mom and sister died. I did make peace with my mom while she was on her deathbed. My dad has cancer (stage 3) and I can’t gather a single f**k/ won’t contact him/ won’t attend the funeral/ don’t want a cent from his estate. So yea, f**k that guy.
Fun fact: exwife cheated on Brent too and they were only together for a few years.
#61
"it's not like you'll ever be a model" - said to 12 year old me who needed braces to correct actual problems. my parents refused to take me back to the dentist.
not really the worst thing they've said, but it had a profound impact on ugly 12 year old me.
#62
"I should've drowned you in the bathtub, like Andrea Yates"
For reference, Yates was a young mother in the mid 90's who drowned her 5(?) kids due to severe postpartum depression & religious psychosis.
#63
I can't decide between, 'We made mistakes raising you,' or, 'I wish you were addicted to d***s instead of video games!'.
#64
Not to me, but about me. My mom told my sister that she just pretends that I’m dead. So, that’s nice.
#65
“You’re genetically defective.” - dear old dad.
#66
"If your grandmother was alive, she'd be disgusted with who you've become" or something along those lines.
This is coming from the woman whose best parenting moments include threatening to dump used cat litter on me.
#67
Parents who tell their children “You are just like [other parent]!” are awful people.
*You’re just like someone I hate*.
#68
Moved halfway through high school and I had no friends. Was the most depressed I’ve ever been. Got into a fight with my mom who yelled, “at least I have friends.”
#69
Being the oldest I moved out at 17 to join the Army. After exiting service I moved home, bought a house at 23 and later sold that houst at 25. Inbetween selling that house and finding a new one, which took 2 months, my mother refused to let me and my wife move in temporarily. Her excuse being, "doing something like that would ruin our relationship". That's after letting both my sisters move back in for over a year at a time and my youngest sister still living there at 26. Thanks mom, you did ruin the relationship ? Probably not the worst thing she said but that was a real gut punch.
#70
In Spanish the Bible says “love thy mother and father” (not honor, like it does in English). My father once said to me that it is not a commandment to love thy child.
#71
"I'm moving to (halfway across country) with your brother. There isn't anything for me here."
Except me, my sister, her 2 sons-in-law and all 5 of her grandchildren.
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